1
00:00:07,797 --> 00:00:10,435
This is unbelievable.It's been like a half an hour.

2
00:00:10,435 --> 00:00:14,217
If this was a cartoon, you'd be looking like a ham right about now.

3
00:00:14,217 --> 00:00:17,259
There's the waitress.Excuse me, Miss. Hello, Miss?

4
00:00:17,259 --> 00:00:18,541
It's Phoebe!

5
00:00:18,541 --> 00:00:19,836
Hi!

6
00:00:19,836 --> 00:00:21,485
Hi.

7
00:00:21,485 --> 00:00:23,736
Okay, will that be all?

8
00:00:23,736 --> 00:00:26,405
Wait, wait! Wh-what are you doing here?

9
00:00:26,405 --> 00:00:30,820
Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, "Excuse me, hello Miss," so now I'm here.

10
00:00:30,820 --> 00:00:33,430
No, no how come you are working here?

11
00:00:33,430 --> 00:00:37,902
Right, yeah, 'cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.

12
00:00:37,902 --> 00:00:38,995
Can we start over?

13
00:00:38,995 --> 00:00:40,323
Yeah.Okay great. I'm gonna be over here.

14
00:00:40,358 --> 00:00:41,707
No, no, no!

15
00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:44,585
Season 1, Episode 16
The One With The Two Part

16
00:00:45,759 --> 00:00:50,752
萐????驺??疐????
??TV_Friends?閯??
?????: jinke2@SMTH

17
00:01:29,292 --> 00:01:36,041
I don't know whether he's testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control.

18
00:01:36,041 --> 00:01:40,242
But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine,

19
00:01:40,242 --> 00:01:43,342
"supposedly" by accident.

20
00:01:43,342 --> 00:01:47,930
No, yeah, I've done that.

21
00:01:47,930 --> 00:01:51,349
And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did,

22
00:01:51,349 --> 00:01:53,126
and peed all over the crossword.

23
00:01:53,126 --> 00:01:54,942
I've never done that.

24
00:01:56,841 --> 00:02:00,651
All right, now look at her and tell me she doesn't look exactly like her sister.

25
00:02:00,651 --> 00:02:02,819
I'm sayin' I see a difference.

26
00:02:02,819 --> 00:02:04,049
They're twins!

27
00:02:04,049 --> 00:02:05,077
I don't care.

28
00:02:05,077 --> 00:02:09,555
Phoebe's Phoebe. Ursula's hot!

29
00:02:09,555 --> 00:02:11,246
You know that thing, when you and I talk to each other about things?

30
00:02:11,246 --> 00:02:12,086
Yeah.

31
00:02:12,086 --> 00:02:14,816
Let's not do that any more.

32
00:02:14,816 --> 00:02:16,714
Hey guys! Hey!

33
00:02:16,714 --> 00:02:19,355
Hey Pheebs, guess who we saw today.

34
00:02:19,355 --> 00:02:20,899
Ooh, ooh, fun! Okay... um,

35
00:02:20,899 --> 00:02:21,748
Liam Neeson.

36
00:02:21,748 --> 00:02:22,361
Nope.

37
00:02:22,361 --> 00:02:23,306
Morly Safer.

38
00:02:23,306 --> 00:02:24,088
Nope.

39
00:02:24,088 --> 00:02:25,669
The woman who cuts my hair!

40
00:02:25,669 --> 00:02:28,307
Okay, look, this could be a really long game.

41
00:02:28,307 --> 00:02:29,675
Your sister Ursula.

42
00:02:29,675 --> 00:02:30,762
Oh, really.

43
00:02:30,762 --> 00:02:33,201
Yeah, yeah, she works over at that place, uh

44
00:02:33,201 --> 00:02:34,166
Rift's. Yeah, I know.

45
00:02:34,166 --> 00:02:34,927
Oh, you do?

46
00:02:34,927 --> 00:02:37,528
Because she said you guys haven't talked in like years.

47
00:02:37,528 --> 00:02:41,673
Hmmm? Yeah.

48
00:02:41,673 --> 00:02:45,280
So, um, is she fat?

49
00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:47,703
Not from where I was standin'.

50
00:02:47,703 --> 00:02:52,334
where were you standing?

51
00:02:52,334 --> 00:02:55,118
Um, Pheebs, so, you guys just don't get along?

52
00:02:55,127 --> 00:02:57,414
It's mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know,

53
00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:02,874
I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know

54
00:03:02,874 --> 00:03:06,123
Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it

55
00:03:06,123 --> 00:03:09,293
later that same day.

56
00:03:09,293 --> 00:03:13,737
But, to my parents, by then it was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?"

57
00:03:13,737 --> 00:03:17,519
Oh, Pheebs, I'm sorry, I've got to go.I've got Lamaze class.

58
00:03:17,519 --> 00:03:23,655
Oh, and I've got Earth Science, but I'll catch you in Gym.

59
00:03:23,655 --> 00:03:26,255
So, is this just gonna be you and Carol?

60
00:03:26,255 --> 00:03:27,961
No, Susan's gonna be there too.

61
00:03:27,961 --> 00:03:32,616
We've got dads, we've got lesbians, the whole parenting team.

62
00:03:32,616 --> 00:03:34,487
Well, isn't, isn't that gonna be weird?

63
00:03:34,487 --> 00:03:39,055
No, no. I mean, it might a been at first, but by now I, I think I'm pretty comfortable with the whole situation.

64
00:03:39,055 --> 00:03:40,393
Ross, that's my jacket.

65
00:03:40,393 --> 00:03:41,996
I know.

66
00:03:50,993 --> 00:03:58,334
Hi, we're the Rostins.Err, I'm J.C., and he's Michael, and we're having a boy, and a girl.

67
00:03:58,334 --> 00:04:02,146
Good for you. Alrighty, next?

68
00:04:02,146 --> 00:04:07,106
Hi, um, I'm err, I'm Ross Geller, and errah ..

69
00:04:07,106 --> 00:04:08,832
that's, that's my boy in there, and uh,

70
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:14,374
this is Carol Willick, and this is Susan Bunch.

71
00:04:14,374 --> 00:04:21,875
Susan is um Carol's, just, com..

72
00:04:21,875 --> 00:04:25,572
who's next?

73
00:04:25,572 --> 00:04:27,291
I'm sorry, I didn't get... Susan is?

74
00:04:27,291 --> 00:04:28,686
Susan is Carol's, Carol's, Carol's, friend

75
00:04:28,686 --> 00:04:31,114
Life partner.Like buddies.

76
00:04:31,114 --> 00:04:32,706
Like lovers.

77
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:36,697
You know how close women can get.

78
00:04:36,697 --> 00:04:38,616
Susan and I live together.Although I was married to her.

79
00:04:38,616 --> 00:04:40,104
Carol, not me.

80
00:04:40,104 --> 00:04:41,677
Err, right.It's a little complicated.A little.

81
00:04:41,677 --> 00:04:44,940
But we're fine.Absolutely.

82
00:04:44,940 --> 00:04:50,978
So, twins... hah!That's like two births.

83
00:04:50,978 --> 00:04:55,098
Ouch.

84
00:04:58,502 --> 00:05:01,069
And to you too, Helen.

85
00:05:01,069 --> 00:05:03,267
Nina Bookbinder is here to see you.

86
00:05:03,267 --> 00:05:09,628
Oh, okay. Send her in.

87
00:05:09,628 --> 00:05:11,297
Hi.

88
00:05:11,297 --> 00:05:12,155
Hi, Nina. Come on in.

89
00:05:12,155 --> 00:05:13,159
You wanted to see me?

90
00:05:13,159 --> 00:05:14,860
Uh, Yes.

91
00:05:14,860 --> 00:05:18,541
Yes. I've just been going over your data here, and little thing, you've been post-dating your Friday numbers.

92
00:05:18,541 --> 00:05:20,685
Which is bad, because?

93
00:05:20,685 --> 00:05:23,585
Well, it throws my WENUS out of whack.

94
00:05:23,585 --> 00:05:25,279
Your... excuse me?

95
00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:28,038
WENUS. Weekly Estimated Net...

96
00:05:28,038 --> 00:05:29,245
Oh, Net Usage Statistics, right.

97
00:05:29,693 --> 00:05:35,597
Gotcha, gotcha. Won't happen again. I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt your "wenus."

98
00:05:46,072 --> 00:05:49,573
It's not just that she's cute, okay.It's just that..

99
00:05:49,573 --> 00:05:52,056
she's really really cute.

100
00:05:52,056 --> 00:05:56,636
It doesn't matter.You don't dip your pen in the company ink.

101
00:05:59,099 --> 00:06:04,161
Ross, your little creature's got the remote again.

102
00:06:04,161 --> 00:06:07,581
Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote.

103
00:06:07,581 --> 00:06:09,929
Marcel.

104
00:06:09,929 --> 00:06:15,761
Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now

105
00:06:15,761 --> 00:06:17,226
Marce...

106
00:06:17,226 --> 00:06:19,028
you give Rossie the remote...

107
00:06:19,028 --> 00:06:19,760
Great.

108
00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:24,220
Relax, I'll fix it.

109
00:06:24,220 --> 00:06:30,334
Cool. "Urkel" in Spanish is"Urkel."

110
00:06:30,334 --> 00:06:33,334
How did he do this?

111
00:06:33,334 --> 00:06:38,779
So tell me something, is leaving the Christmas lights up part of your plan to keep us merry all year long?

112
00:06:38,779 --> 00:06:43,848
Ah no, you see, someone was supposed to take them down around New Year's... but obviously someone forgot.

113
00:06:43,848 --> 00:06:49,720
Well, someone was supposed to write "Rach, take down the lights" and put it on the refrigerate...

114
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:56,030
How long has that been there?

115
00:06:56,030 --> 00:06:57,727
Hey, where you been?

116
00:06:57,727 --> 00:07:06,431
I went back to Riff's.I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna melt and four plates of curly fries.

117
00:07:06,431 --> 00:07:08,902
Score.

118
00:07:08,902 --> 00:07:11,616
She is so hot!

119
00:07:11,616 --> 00:07:18,800
Yeah, listen.Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err...

120
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,128
Pheebs?

121
00:07:20,128 --> 00:07:21,579
Yeah?

122
00:07:21,579 --> 00:07:24,020
You think it would be okay if I asked out your sister?

123
00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:28,685
Why?Why would you wanna do that? Why?

124
00:07:28,685 --> 00:07:36,673
So that if we went out on a date, she'd be there.

125
00:07:36,673 --> 00:07:41,691
Well, I mean, I'm not my sister's, you know, whatever, and um

126
00:07:41,691 --> 00:07:47,657
I mean, it's true, we were one egg, once, but err, you know, we've grown apart,

127
00:07:47,657 --> 00:07:51,172
so, um... I don't know, why not? Okay.

128
00:07:51,172 --> 00:07:55,936
Cool, thanks.

129
00:07:55,936 --> 00:07:57,125
You okay?

130
00:07:57,125 --> 00:07:59,405
Yeah I'm fine.

131
00:07:59,405 --> 00:08:02,379
You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley?

132
00:08:16,618 --> 00:08:18,585
Sorry.

133
00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:19,809
Hi.

134
00:08:19,809 --> 00:08:21,607
Sorry I'm late. Where's, where's Carol?

135
00:08:21,607 --> 00:08:25,046
Stuck at school.Some parent-teacher thing.

136
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:26,831
You can go. I'll get the information.

137
00:08:26,831 --> 00:08:29,658
No No...

138
00:08:29,658 --> 00:08:32,929
No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know what's going on.

139
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:36,213
Oh, good. This'll be fun.

140
00:08:36,213 --> 00:08:37,620
Alrighty.

141
00:08:37,620 --> 00:08:41,867
We're gonna start with some basic third stage breathing exercises, so Mummies, why don't you get on your back?

142
00:08:41,867 --> 00:08:48,274
And coaches, you should be supporting Mummy's head.

143
00:08:52,743 --> 00:08:54,609
What? What? What?

144
00:08:54,609 --> 00:08:55,912
I am supposed to be the mommy?

145
00:08:55,912 --> 00:09:00,902
Okay, I'm gonna play my sperm card one more time.

146
00:09:00,902 --> 00:09:04,561
Look, I don't see why I should have to miss out on the coaching training just because I'm a woman.

147
00:09:04,561 --> 00:09:07,309
I see. So what do you propose to do?

148
00:09:07,309 --> 00:09:08,614
I will flip you for it.

149
00:09:08,614 --> 00:09:11,198
Flip me for it?No, no, no heads, heads, heads!

150
00:09:11,198 --> 00:09:17,512
On your back... Mom.

151
00:09:17,512 --> 00:09:24,415
Alright, Mommies, take a nice deep cleansing breath.

152
00:09:24,415 --> 00:09:26,001
Good.

153
00:09:26,001 --> 00:09:32,082
Now imagine your vagina is opening like a flower.

154
00:09:40,712 --> 00:09:42,880
Mr. D, how's it going, sir?

155
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:45,049
Ohh, it's been better.

156
00:09:45,049 --> 00:09:47,167
The Annual Net Usage Statistics are in.

157
00:09:47,167 --> 00:09:48,468
And?

158
00:09:48,468 --> 00:09:50,452
It's pretty ugly.

159
00:09:50,452 --> 00:09:54,646
We haven't seen an ANUS this bad since the seventies

160
00:09:54,646 --> 00:09:55,322
So what does this mean?

161
00:09:55,376 --> 00:09:58,993
Well, we're gonna be layin' off people in every department.

162
00:09:58,993 --> 00:10:02,590
Hey, listen, I know I came in late last week, but I slept funny, and my hair was very very -

163
00:10:02,590 --> 00:10:07,329
Not you. Relax.

164
00:10:07,329 --> 00:10:10,297
Ever have to fire anyone?

165
00:10:10,297 --> 00:10:15,950
Nina? Nina.

166
00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:19,070
Nina...

167
00:10:19,070 --> 00:10:21,078
Nina.

168
00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:23,614
Are you okay?

169
00:10:23,614 --> 00:10:26,425
Yes, yes I am.

170
00:10:26,425 --> 00:10:32,217
Err, listen, the reason that I called you in here today was, err

171
00:10:32,217 --> 00:10:33,795
please don't hate me.

172
00:10:33,795 --> 00:10:36,800
What?

173
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:41,386
Would you like to have dinner sometime?

174
00:10:43,856 --> 00:10:46,562
So Pheebs, what do you want for your birthday?

175
00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:54,555
Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.

176
00:10:54,555 --> 00:10:56,732
Okay

177
00:10:56,732 --> 00:10:57,950
Let me put it this way.

178
00:10:57,950 --> 00:11:00,093
Anything from Crabtree and Evelyn?

179
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,063
Ooh! Bath salts would be nice.

180
00:11:01,063 --> 00:11:11,368
Ooh, okay... good.

181
00:11:11,368 --> 00:11:13,419
What is this place?

182
00:11:13,419 --> 00:11:17,794
Look, you're cold, I have to pee, and there's a cup of coffee on the window.How bad could it be?

183
00:11:17,794 --> 00:11:21,369
I think we have an answer.

184
00:11:21,369 --> 00:11:23,114
What's she doing here?

185
00:11:23,114 --> 00:11:26,441
This could be God's way of telling us to eat at home.

186
00:11:26,441 --> 00:11:27,905
Think she got fired at Riff's?

187
00:11:27,905 --> 00:11:31,733
No, no, no.We were there last night. She kept..bringing swordfish.

188
00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:33,083
are you gonna go to the, um?

189
00:11:33,132 --> 00:11:35,131
I'm gonna wait till after we order.It's her, right.

190
00:11:35,156 --> 00:11:37,977
It looks like her.

191
00:11:37,977 --> 00:11:39,023
Um, excuse me.

192
00:11:39,023 --> 00:11:40,725
Yeah?

193
00:11:40,725 --> 00:11:45,960
Hi, it's us.

194
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:49,808
Right, and it's me.

195
00:11:49,808 --> 00:11:51,817
So, so you're here too?

196
00:11:51,817 --> 00:11:53,869
Much as you are.

197
00:11:53,869 --> 00:11:56,129
Your turn.

198
00:11:56,129 --> 00:11:57,539
Err... we know what we want.

199
00:11:57,539 --> 00:11:59,579
Oh, that's good.

200
00:11:59,579 --> 00:12:02,462
All we want is two Caffe Lattes.And some biscotti cookies.

201
00:12:02,462 --> 00:12:07,961
Good choice.

202
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:10,544
Definitely her.Yeah.

203
00:12:18,583 --> 00:12:20,075
I can't believe you.

204
00:12:20,075 --> 00:12:23,552
You still haven't told that girl she doesn't have a job yet?

205
00:12:23,552 --> 00:12:26,456
Well, you still haven't taken down the Christmas lights.

206
00:12:26,456 --> 00:12:31,793
Congratulations, I think you've found the world's thinnest argument.

207
00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:34,302
I'm just trying to find the right moment, you know?

208
00:12:34,302 --> 00:12:38,247
Oh, well, that shouldn't be so hard, now that you're dating.

209
00:12:38,247 --> 00:12:43,168
"Sweetheart, you're fired, but how 'bout a quickie before I go to work?"

210
00:12:45,513 --> 00:12:49,531
Hey.Hey.

211
00:12:49,531 --> 00:12:53,784
You know, once you're inside, you don't have to knock any more.

212
00:12:53,784 --> 00:12:59,205
I'll get it.

213
00:12:59,205 --> 00:13:00,701
Oh. Hi, Mr.Heckles.

214
00:13:00,701 --> 00:13:02,784
You're doing it again.

215
00:13:02,784 --> 00:13:05,572
We're not doing anything.We're just sitting around talking,

216
00:13:05,572 --> 00:13:07,432
quietly.

217
00:13:07,432 --> 00:13:10,514
I can hear you through the ceiling.

218
00:13:10,514 --> 00:13:14,243
My cats can't sleep.

219
00:13:14,243 --> 00:13:15,867
You don't even have cats.

220
00:13:15,867 --> 00:13:19,378
I could have cats.

221
00:13:19,378 --> 00:13:20,876
Goodbye Mr.Heckles.

222
00:13:20,876 --> 00:13:27,239
We'll try to keep it down.

223
00:13:27,239 --> 00:13:30,133
Phoebe, could you do me a favour?

224
00:13:30,133 --> 00:13:32,823
Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits.

225
00:13:32,823 --> 00:13:36,873
Ooh, my first birthday present..oh, this is really...

226
00:13:36,873 --> 00:13:40,864
Oh, no no no.It's for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise.

227
00:13:40,864 --> 00:13:43,519
Ohhh... Sure, yeah...

228
00:13:43,519 --> 00:13:47,065
..okay, it fits.

229
00:13:47,065 --> 00:13:48,292
Are you seein' her again tonight?

230
00:13:48,292 --> 00:13:51,033
Yep. Ice Capades.

231
00:13:51,033 --> 00:13:57,474
Wow, this is serious.I've never known you to pay money for any kind of capade.

232
00:13:57,474 --> 00:14:02,794
I don't know.I like her, you know. She's different. There'suh, somethin' about her.

233
00:14:02,794 --> 00:14:06,982
That you like, we get it. You like her. Great!

234
00:14:06,982 --> 00:14:09,242
Hey, Phoebe, I asked you, and you said it was okay.

235
00:14:09,242 --> 00:14:11,710
Alright, well, maybe now it's not okay.

236
00:14:11,710 --> 00:14:16,115
Okay Well maybe now I'm not okay with it not being okay.

237
00:14:16,115 --> 00:14:22,567
Okay.

238
00:14:22,567 --> 00:14:25,003
Knit, good woman, knit, knit!

239
00:14:36,884 --> 00:14:40,162
And that's the Chrysler Building right there.

240
00:14:40,162 --> 00:14:41,403
Nina.

241
00:14:41,403 --> 00:14:43,485
Mr.Douglas...

242
00:14:43,603 --> 00:14:44,732
..cool tie.

243
00:14:47,523 --> 00:14:49,202
She's still here.

244
00:14:49,202 --> 00:14:51,859
Yes, yes she is.

245
00:14:51,859 --> 00:14:53,031
Didn't I memo you on this?

246
00:14:53,031 --> 00:15:01,242
See, after I let her go,err, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr.Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan.

247
00:15:01,242 --> 00:15:07,854
And err, he informed me that uh, she took the news rather badly, in fact,he uh, mentioned the word frenzy.

248
00:15:07,854 --> 00:15:10,020
You're kidding? She seems so...

249
00:15:10,020 --> 00:15:13,788
Oh, no, no. Nina... ..she is whooo wewee-woo whoo whoo!

250
00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:20,084
In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all.

251
00:15:20,084 --> 00:15:21,515
That's unbelievable.

252
00:15:21,515 --> 00:15:23,735
And yet, believable.

253
00:15:23,735 --> 00:15:29,860
So I decided not to fire her again until I can be assured that she will be no threat to herself, or others.

254
00:15:29,860 --> 00:15:31,454
I see.

255
00:15:31,454 --> 00:15:34,798
I guess you never really know what's goin' on inside a person's head.

256
00:15:34,798 --> 00:15:38,872
Well, I guess that's why they call it psychology, sir.

257
00:15:38,872 --> 00:15:47,375
a sound Mom and Dad never forget.For this after all, is the miracle of birth.

258
00:15:47,375 --> 00:15:50,595
Lights please?And that's having a baby.

259
00:15:50,595 --> 00:15:54,061
Next week is our final class.

260
00:15:54,061 --> 00:16:00,776
Susan, go deep.

261
00:16:00,776 --> 00:16:03,106
This is impossible.It's just impossible.

262
00:16:03,106 --> 00:16:05,138
What is, honey?

263
00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:07,989
What that woman did.

264
00:16:07,989 --> 00:16:15,695
I am not doin' that.It's just gonna have to stay in, that's all, everything will be the same, it'll just stay in.

265
00:16:15,695 --> 00:16:18,813
Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everything's gonna be alright.

266
00:16:18,813 --> 00:16:20,102
OH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

267
00:16:20,102 --> 00:16:22,891
NO-ONE'S GOING UP TO YOU AND SAYING, "HI, IS THAT YOUR NOSTRIL?

268
00:16:22,891 --> 00:16:26,970
MIND IF WE PUSH THIS POT ROAST THROUGH IT?

269
00:16:26,970 --> 00:16:28,543
Carol, Carol, sweetie.

270
00:16:28,543 --> 00:16:31,376
Cleansing breath.

271
00:16:31,376 --> 00:16:33,923
I know it's frightening, but, big picture.

272
00:16:33,923 --> 00:16:41,328
The birth part is just one day, and when it's over, we're all gonna be parents for the rest of our lives.

273
00:16:41,328 --> 00:16:43,984
I mean, that's what this is all about, right?

274
00:16:43,984 --> 00:16:48,430
Ross? Ross?

275
00:16:48,430 --> 00:16:50,865
I'm gonna be a father.

276
00:16:50,865 --> 00:16:52,187
This is just occurring to you?

277
00:16:52,187 --> 00:16:57,443
I always knew I was havin' a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.

278
00:16:57,443 --> 00:16:59,110
Oh, you're gonna be great!

279
00:16:59,110 --> 00:17:06,592
Aw, how can you say that?I can't even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?

280
00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:15,303
You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.

281
00:17:15,303 --> 00:17:15,930
Where're you going?

282
00:17:15,930 --> 00:17:16,995
Out.

283
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,345
With?

284
00:17:18,345 --> 00:17:20,408
Yes.

285
00:17:20,408 --> 00:17:23,195
Alright, could I just ask you one question?

286
00:17:23,195 --> 00:17:25,511
Have you two, you know like...

287
00:17:25,511 --> 00:17:32,018
you know... you know... yet?

288
00:17:32,018 --> 00:17:34,508
Well, not that it's any of your business, but, no, we haven't,

289
00:17:34,508 --> 00:17:37,042
okay?

290
00:17:40,565 --> 00:17:46,345
You meant sex, right?

291
00:17:50,693 --> 00:17:51,824
Do you have a sec?

292
00:17:51,824 --> 00:17:54,072
Ah, sure, Nina. What's up?

293
00:17:54,072 --> 00:17:55,827
I don't know.

294
00:17:55,827 --> 00:18:00,164
For the past couple days, people have been avoiding me and giving me these really strange looks.

295
00:18:00,164 --> 00:18:05,920
Oh, well, ah maybe that's because they're ah... jealous, of us.

296
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,566
Maybe.

297
00:18:07,566 --> 00:18:11,639
But that doesn't explain why they keep taking my scissors.

298
00:18:11,639 --> 00:18:15,995
Ah, well, maybe that's, ah, because you're getting a big raise.

299
00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:17,100
I am?

300
00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:18,781
Sure, why not?

301
00:18:18,781 --> 00:18:21,087
Oh my god! You're amazing!

302
00:18:21,087 --> 00:18:24,664
Oh, you don't know.

303
00:18:24,664 --> 00:18:30,327
Helen, could you make sure we put through the paperwork on Miss Bookbinder's raise?

304
00:18:30,327 --> 00:18:31,960
So you still want me to send her psychological profile to Personnel?

305
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:33,298
What?

306
00:18:33,298 --> 00:18:41,993
Helen drinks. Will you marry me?

307
00:18:43,611 --> 00:18:45,480
Well, I ended up telling her everything.

308
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:46,640
Oh, how'd she take it?

309
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:50,192
Pretty well.Except for the stapler thing.

310
00:18:50,593 --> 00:18:55,712
little tip. if you're ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... ..on the desk.

311
00:18:56,978 --> 00:19:06,205
Okay, I think I get how to do this.

312
00:19:06,205 --> 00:19:09,674
Alright, so, can we turn this off?Can we just make it make them go away? Because I can't, I can't watch.

313
00:19:09,674 --> 00:19:10,309
okay, Pheebs, they're gone.

314
00:19:10,309 --> 00:19:12,050
Okay.

315
00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:13,027
Are you alright?

316
00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:17,727
Yeah.It's just, you know, it's this whole stupid Ursula thing, it's...

317
00:19:17,727 --> 00:19:19,812
Okay, Pheebs, can I ask?

318
00:19:19,812 --> 00:19:22,846
So, he's going out with her.I mean, is it really so terrible?

319
00:19:22,846 --> 00:19:25,925
Um, yeah.

320
00:19:25,925 --> 00:19:29,172
Look, I mean, I'm not saying she's like evil or anything.

321
00:19:29,172 --> 00:19:34,408
She just, you know, she's always breaking my stuff.

322
00:19:34,408 --> 00:19:38,461
When I was eight, and I wouldn't let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus.

323
00:19:38,461 --> 00:19:46,922
And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?

324
00:19:46,922 --> 00:19:49,738
No.

325
00:19:49,738 --> 00:19:52,093
Well, but that's what he was for me.

326
00:19:52,093 --> 00:20:00,651
And she you know, kind of stole him away, and then broke his heart... and then he wouldn't even talk to me any more.

327
00:20:00,651 --> 00:20:07,146
Because he said he didn't wanna be around anything that looked like either one of us.

328
00:20:07,146 --> 00:20:08,483
Oh... Oh, Pheebs.

329
00:20:08,483 --> 00:20:15,521
I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but

330
00:20:15,521 --> 00:20:17,036
You're not gonna lose him.

331
00:20:17,036 --> 00:20:18,297
Hon, you gotta talk to Joey.

332
00:20:18,297 --> 00:20:19,994
Yeah. Okay.

333
00:20:19,994 --> 00:20:22,754
No, come on, he doesn't know this stuff.If he knew how you felt.

334
00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:24,453
But he's falling in love with her.

335
00:20:24,453 --> 00:20:33,806
Oh please, they've been going out a week.They haven't even slept together yet, I mean, that's not serious.

336
00:20:33,806 --> 00:20:37,130
Okay... Okay.

337
00:20:37,130 --> 00:20:41,711
Oh, okay, oh.

338
00:20:54,027 --> 00:20:55,822
Oh.

339
00:20:55,822 --> 00:20:58,822
Yeah, um, may we help you?

340
00:21:13,884 --> 00:21:17,217
Rachel, what are you doing?It's freezing out here.Would you come back inside?

341
00:21:17,217 --> 00:21:17,817
No no no no no.

342
00:21:17,817 --> 00:21:23,677
You wanted me to take them down, so I'm takin' 'em down.Okay?

343
00:21:23,677 --> 00:21:25,782
Whoa!

344
00:21:25,782 --> 00:21:28,665
Oh-my-god Rachel! Rachel!

345
00:21:28,665 --> 00:21:31,977
I'm okay!I'm okay!

346
00:21:31,977 --> 00:21:36,963
Mr. Heckles, Mr. Heckles could you help me please?

347
00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:41,640
See, this is just the kind of thing I was talking about.