1
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Earl Grey, English Breakfast, CinnamonStick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and oh, wait, there's one more, um..

2
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LemonSoother.

3
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You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you?Okay.

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Friends - 1x19 - The Monkey Gets Away

5
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A? 餗犒-Meitina

6
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Mail call, Rachel Green, bunk seven.

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Thank you.

8
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Oh, cool!Free sample of coffee!

9
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Oh good!'Cause where else would we get any?

10
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Oh. Right. ...Oh great.

11
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What is it?

12
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Country club newsletter.My mother sends me the engagement notices for'inspiration.' Oh my God!

13
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Oh my God, it's Barry and Mindy!

14
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Barry who you almost...?Barry who I almost.

15
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And Mindy, your maid of...?Mindy, my maid of. Oh!

16
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That's Mindy?Wow, she is pretty.

17
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Lucky.

18
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To have had a friend like you.

19
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Marcel.Bring me the rice, c'mon. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Good boy. Goodboy.

20
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C'mere, gimme the rice. Thank you, good boy. Well, I seehe's finally mastered the difference between 'bring me the' and 'pee in the'.

21
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'Bring me the' and- Rach?

22
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What?Hi.

23
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Oh, I'm sorry.Oh, this is so stupid!

24
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I mean, I gave Barry up, right?I should be happy for them!

25
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I am, I'm happy for them.

26
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Really.No.

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Oh, oh, I guess it would be different if I were- with somebody.

28
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Whoah, uh, what happened to, uh, 'Forget relationships!

29
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I'm done withmen!' The whole, uh, penis embargo?

30
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Oh, I don't know.I guess it's not about no guys, it's about the rightguy, y'know?

31
00:02:58,050 --> 00:03:02,609
I mean, with Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no heat.

32
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WithPaolo, that's all there was, was heat!

33
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And it was just this raw, animal, sexual

34
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Wait-wait. I, I got it. I was there.

35
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Well, I mean, do you think you can ever have both?Y'know? Someone who'slike,

36
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who's like your best friend, but then also can make your toes curl?

37
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Yes.Yes. Yes!Yes, I really do!

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In fact, it's funny, very often, someonewho you wouldn't think could-could curl your toes,

39
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might just be the one who

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Hi.

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...Gets interrupted. Hi!

42
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Hi, how was the movie?

43
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Wonderful!So good!

44
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Suck-fest.Toootal chick-flick.

45
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I-I'm sorry it wasn't one of those movies with, like, y'know, guns andbombs and, like, buses going really fast

46
00:03:55,487 --> 00:04:01,134
Hey, I don't need violence to enjoy a movie.Just so long as there's alittle nudity.

47
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There was nudity!

48
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I meant female nudity.

49
00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:08,136
Alright?I don't need to see LouGrant frolicking.

50
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Hugh! Hugh Grant!

51
00:04:11,788 --> 00:04:13,988
Alright, I've gotta go.

52
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C'mon, Marcel!C'mon! We're gonna go take a bath.

53
00:04:17,108 --> 00:04:25,847
Yes we are, aren't we? Yes, we are.They're still just friends, right?

54
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And I will see you tomorrow!

55
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That's right, you're gonna spend tomorrow at Aunt Rachel's, aren't you.

56
00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:32,651
Oh, hang on, hang on.

57
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Does Aunt Monica get a say in this?

58
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'Pwease, Aunt Monica, pwease?' Oh, unclench.You're not even gonna bethere.

59
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I can't believe we are even having this discussion.I agree. I'm, like, in disbelief.

60
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I mean, don't you think if things were gonna happen with Rachel, theywould've happened already?

61
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I'm telling you, she said she's looking for a relationship with someoneexactly like me.

62
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She really said that?

63
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:09,054
Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part But she said she's looking forsomeone, and someone is gonna be there tonight.

64
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'Tonight' tonight?

65
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Well, I think it's perfect.Y'know, it's just gonna be the two of us, shespent all day taking care of my monkey

66
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I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.

67
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Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go overthere and, uh, try to woo her.

68
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Hey, y'know what you should do?You should take her back to the1890's, when that phrase was last used.

69
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Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr.Francis. Now, she usedto be a man.

70
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Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying.

71
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Okay- Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing withMonica's shoes?You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah.

72
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Marcel, did you poo in theshoe?

73
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Marcel, bad monkey!

74
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Oh! Oh! Sorry, Barry.

75
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Little engagement gift.

76
00:06:27,781 --> 00:06:40,450
I'm sure you didn't register for that. Who died?Who died?

77
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Roll him over!

78
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Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter,right Marcel?

79
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Because- Marcel? Marc-

80
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How could you lose him?

81
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I don't know.We were watching TV, and then he pooped in Monica's shoe-

82
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Wait. He pooped in my shoe? Which one?

83
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I don't know. The left one.

84
00:07:04,020 --> 00:07:06,166
Which ones?

85
00:07:06,166 --> 00:07:10,432
Oh.Oh, those little clunky Amish things you think go with everything.

86
00:07:10,432 --> 00:07:11,293
Hey.Hi.

87
00:07:11,293 --> 00:07:16,845
Whoah, ooh, why is the air in here so negative?

88
00:07:16,845 --> 00:07:18,767
Rachel lost Marcel.

89
00:07:18,767 --> 00:07:20,469
Oh no, how?

90
00:07:20,469 --> 00:07:21,624
He- he pooped in my shoe.

91
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Which one?Those cute little black ones I wear all the time.

92
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No, which one?

93
00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:31,893
The right or left? 'Cause the left oneis lucky...

94
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C'mon, you guys, what're we gonna do, what're we gonna do?

95
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:34,618
Alright alright.

96
00:07:34,618 --> 00:07:41,050
You're a monkey. You're loose in the city. Where do yougo?

97
00:07:41,050 --> 00:07:46,250
Okay, it's his first time out, so he's probably gonna wanna do some ofthe touristy things.

98
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I'll go to Cats, you go to the Russian Tea Room.

99
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Oh, my, God, c'mon, you guys!

100
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He's gonna be home any minute! He's gonnakill me!

101
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Okay, we'll start with the building.

102
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You guys take the first and secondfloor, Phoebe and I'll take third and fourth.

103
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Well, what'm I gonna do?What'm I gonna do?

104
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Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the phone.

105
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Spray Lysol inmy shoe, and wait for Ross to kill you.

106
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Anybody wanna trade? Oh...

107
00:08:17,256 --> 00:08:18,766
Whaddyou want?

108
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:22,211
Mr.Heckles, our friend lost a monkey. Have you seen it?

109
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I left a Belgian waffle out here, did you take it?

110
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No!

111
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Why would you leave your Belgian waffle in the hall?

112
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I wasn't ready for it.

113
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A monkey. Have you seen a monkey?

114
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Saw Regis Philbin once...

115
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Okay, thank you, Mr. Heckles.

116
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You owe me a waffle.

117
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Okay, he's a, he's a black capuchian monkey with a whiteface

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...with, with Russian dressing and, and pickles on the side.

119
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Okay.Thanks.

120
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Hey. How did, uh, how'd it go today?

121
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Great!It went great.

122
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Really great. Hey, is that wine?Yeah. You, uh, you want some?

123
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Oh, I would love some.

124
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:06,974
But y'know what?Y'know what? Let's not drink ithere.

125
00:09:06,974 --> 00:09:12,577
I'm feeling kinda crazy. You wanna go to Newark?

126
00:09:12,577 --> 00:09:19,045
Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to the murdercapital of the North-East,

127
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I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you.Y'know how wewere, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff?

128
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Well-Oh God, Ross, I cannot do this.

129
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Okay, quick and painful.

130
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Oh God Okay.Alright. Alright. Okay. Ross, please don't hate me.

131
00:09:46,949 --> 00:09:50,772
Oh, what? What-what?

132
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Y'know Marcel?

133
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...Yeah?

134
00:09:55,619 --> 00:09:59,227
Well, I kind of... I kind of lost him.

135
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I- I- I ca- I can't believe this.I mean, all I asked you to dowas keep him in the apartment.

136
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I know, I know, I'm sorry-No, y'know what, I guess it's partially my fault.

137
00:10:22,637 --> 00:10:25,325
Y'know, I shouldn't've,uh, asked you to start off with a monkey.

138
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:29,291
I should've started you off with like a pen or apencil.

139
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Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've got everybodylooking for him, and I- Oh! Who is it?

140
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Animal Control.

141
00:10:38,068 --> 00:10:40,698
See? I've even called Animal Control!You called Animal Control?

142
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Uh-huh... why... do you not like them?

143
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Marcel is an illegal exotic animal.

144
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I'm not allowed tohave him in the city.If they find him, they'll take him away from me.

145
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O-okay, now see, you never ever ever told us that

146
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That's right, I 'cause I didn't expect you were gonna invite them to theapartment!

147
00:11:13,549 --> 00:11:17,989
Hi, thanks for coming.Somebody called about a monkey?

148
00:11:17,989 --> 00:11:21,812
Oh, y'know what?That was a complete misunderstanding!

149
00:11:21,812 --> 00:11:24,488
Yeah, we thought we had a monkey, but we-we didn't.

150
00:11:24,488 --> 00:11:27,389
Turned out it was a hat.Cat!Cat! What'm I saying? Cat!

151
00:11:27,389 --> 00:11:30,272
Hi.We checked the third and fourth floor, no-one's seen Marcel.

152
00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:34,948
Marcel?My uncle Marcel.Oh, is that who the monkey's named after?

153
00:11:34,948 --> 00:11:42,846
Oookay.Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is, uh,punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal?

154
00:11:42,846 --> 00:11:44,651
Oh my God.

155
00:11:44,651 --> 00:11:52,162
You'd put that poor little creature in jail?

156
00:11:52,162 --> 00:11:57,640
Pheebs, you remember how we talked about saying things quietly toyourself first?

157
00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:03,007
Yes, but there isn't always time!

158
00:12:03,007 --> 00:12:06,429
Look.I'm sure there's some friendly way to reconcile this!

159
00:12:06,429 --> 00:12:10,483
Um, have aseat.First of all, we haven't been introduced, I'm Monica Geller.

160
00:12:10,483 --> 00:12:13,471
Oh my God, you are!

161
00:12:13,471 --> 00:12:16,322
And you're Rachel Green!Yeah!

162
00:12:16,322 --> 00:12:19,231
Luisa Gianetti!Lincoln High?

163
00:12:19,231 --> 00:12:23,039
I sat behind you guys in home room!

164
00:12:23,039 --> 00:12:29,028
Luisa? Oh my God! Monica! It's Luisa!

165
00:12:29,028 --> 00:12:32,612
The Luisa from home room!Yes!!

166
00:12:32,612 --> 00:12:35,132
You have no idea who I am, do you.

167
00:12:35,132 --> 00:12:37,870
No, none at all.None.

168
00:12:37,870 --> 00:12:41,636
Well, maybe that's because you spent four years ignoring me.

169
00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:52,767
I mean,would it have been so hard to say 'Morning, Luisa'?Or 'Nice overalls'?

170
00:12:52,767 --> 00:12:54,600
Oh, I'm- I'm so sorry!

171
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:59,726
Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own problems.

172
00:12:59,726 --> 00:13:03,990
But you? What a bitch!

173
00:13:03,990 --> 00:13:05,505
What?!

174
00:13:05,505 --> 00:13:10,085
Be that as it may, d'you think you could just help us out here on thatmonkey thing?

175
00:13:10,085 --> 00:13:14,428
Y'know, just for old times' sake? Go Bobcats?

176
00:13:14,428 --> 00:13:21,126
I could but I won't.If I find that monkey, he's mine.

177
00:13:21,126 --> 00:13:30,627
Dun-dun-duuuur! Sorry.

178
00:13:30,627 --> 00:13:33,348
Marcel?Marcel?

179
00:13:33,348 --> 00:13:41,157
Marcel?Marcel?

180
00:13:41,157 --> 00:13:47,466
Hi, can I help you?

181
00:13:47,466 --> 00:13:52,279
Um, we're kind of having an emergency and we-we were looking forsomething...

182
00:13:52,279 --> 00:13:54,707
A monkey.Yes have you seen any?

183
00:13:54,707 --> 00:13:59,746
No.No, haven't seen a monkey. Do you know anything about fixingradiators?

184
00:13:59,746 --> 00:14:03,346
Um, sure!Did you, uh, did you try turning the knob back the other way?

185
00:14:03,346 --> 00:14:10,693
Of course.Oh. Then, no.

186
00:14:10,693 --> 00:14:14,392
Did I put too much rum in here?Just a sec.

187
00:14:14,392 --> 00:14:18,192
Hope you find your monkey. (Shestarts to shut the doorOh, nononowaitwaitwaitnono!

188
00:14:18,192 --> 00:14:28,956
Uh we may not know anything aboutradiators per se, but we do have a certain amount of expertise in the heating andcooling... mileu.

189
00:14:28,956 --> 00:14:35,364
Uh, aren't we kind of in the middle of something here?Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help!

190
00:14:35,364 --> 00:14:39,799
And they'revery hot.

191
00:14:39,799 --> 00:14:47,305
We can't, alright?We're sorry.You have no idea how sorry,but We promised we'd find this monkey.

192
00:14:47,305 --> 00:15:02,010
If you see him, he's about yea high and answersto the name Marcel, so if we could get some pictures of you,you'd really be helping us out.

193
00:15:02,010 --> 00:15:06,236
Okay, from now on, you don't get to talk to other people.

194
00:15:06,236 --> 00:15:07,823
Marcel?Marcel?!

195
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:10,165
Marcel?Marcel?

196
00:15:10,165 --> 00:15:13,606
Marcel?Marcel?

197
00:15:13,606 --> 00:15:15,092
Oh-my-God!Whaaat!

198
00:15:15,092 --> 00:15:18,639
Something just brushed up against my right leg!What is it?

199
00:15:18,639 --> 00:15:23,355
Oh, it's okay, it was just my left leg.

200
00:15:23,355 --> 00:15:27,192
Look, Phoebe!Yeah!Oh, c'mere, Marcel! Oh, Marcel, c'mere!

201
00:15:27,192 --> 00:15:30,077
Step aside, ladies!

202
00:15:30,077 --> 00:15:31,593
What're you gonna do?

203
00:15:31,593 --> 00:15:48,271
Just a small tranquiliser.

204
00:15:48,271 --> 00:15:52,880
Run, Marcel, run!Run, Marcel! Are you okay?

205
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,508
Yeah, think so.

206
00:15:55,508 --> 00:15:59,002
Oh!

207
00:15:59,002 --> 00:16:12,468
Huh. Whoah.Oh gosh.

208
00:16:12,468 --> 00:16:14,916
Marcel?Marcel?

209
00:16:14,916 --> 00:16:16,959
Marc- oh, this is ridiculous!We've been all over the neighbourhood.

210
00:16:16,959 --> 00:16:18,850
He'sgone, he's-he's just gone.

211
00:16:18,850 --> 00:16:20,749
Ross, you don't know that.

212
00:16:20,749 --> 00:16:26,397
Oh come on.It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. (Kicks asign in frustration And now I have a broken foot.

213
00:16:26,397 --> 00:16:31,547
I have no monkey, and a broken foot!Thank you very much.

214
00:16:31,547 --> 00:16:37,127
Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times.What do you want me to do?You want me to break my foot too?

215
00:16:37,127 --> 00:16:40,600
Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here.Ow!!

216
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,667
Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?!Yeah, yeah.

217
00:16:43,667 --> 00:16:47,465
Y'know, now that you kicked the sign, hey!

218
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:51,921
I don't miss Marcel any more!

219
00:16:51,921 --> 00:16:59,156
Y'know, it is not like I did this on purpose.Oh, no no no.Nono, this is just vintage Rachel. I mean, things just sortof happen around you.

220
00:16:59,156 --> 00:17:05,038
I mean, you're off in Rachel-land, doing your Rachel-thing, totallyoblivious to people's monkeys,

221
00:17:05,038 --> 00:17:10,561
or to people's feelingsRoss.I don't even wanna hear it, you're justRoss.

222
00:17:10,561 --> 00:17:15,713
Oh, forget it, okay?Ross!What? What?

223
00:17:15,713 --> 00:17:24,361
Hey! Hey, Bananaman!

224
00:17:24,361 --> 00:17:27,668
Oh, this is so intense.

225
00:17:27,668 --> 00:17:34,227
One side of my butt is totally asleep, and theother side has no idea.

226
00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:37,048
Hi, did you order some bananas?

227
00:17:37,048 --> 00:17:38,951
What about it?

228
00:17:38,951 --> 00:17:40,924
Gimme back my monkey.I don't have a monkey.

229
00:17:40,924 --> 00:17:42,680
Then what's with all the bananas?

230
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:46,914
Potassium.

231
00:17:46,914 --> 00:17:50,077
Marcel?

232
00:17:50,077 --> 00:17:56,680
Marcel? Okay, where is he? Where is he? Marcel? Marcel?Marcel!

233
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,206
What've you done to him?

234
00:17:58,206 --> 00:18:02,448
That's my monkey.That's Patti, Patti the monkey.

235
00:18:02,448 --> 00:18:06,120
Are you insane? C'mere, Marcel, c'mon.

236
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:09,240
C'mere, Patti.C'mere, Marcel.

237
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,226
C'mere, Patti.Here, monkey.

238
00:18:11,226 --> 00:18:15,772
Here, monkey!Here, monkey! Gotcha.

239
00:18:15,772 --> 00:18:18,794
Okay, gimme my monkey back.That's my monkey.

240
00:18:18,794 --> 00:18:21,116
You're both gonna have to take this up with the judge.

241
00:18:21,116 --> 00:18:25,721
That's not my monkey.Just the dress is mine, you can send thatback whenever.

242
00:18:25,721 --> 00:18:28,081
Alright, I want my monkey.No!

243
00:18:28,081 --> 00:18:31,425
Oh, c'mon, Luisa!Sorry, prom queen.

244
00:18:31,425 --> 00:18:36,807
You had to be a bitch in high school, you couldn't've beenfat.

245
00:18:36,807 --> 00:18:44,599
Alright.In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecomingqueen and the class president and you were also there!

246
00:18:44,599 --> 00:18:48,903
But if you take this monkey, Iwill lose one of the most important people in my life.

247
00:18:48,903 --> 00:18:53,285
You can hate me if you want, butplease do not punish him.

248
00:18:53,285 --> 00:19:00,972
C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here!Take it!

249
00:19:00,972 --> 00:19:02,798
Nope.

250
00:19:02,798 --> 00:19:04,386
Alright.

251
00:19:04,386 --> 00:19:12,987
Well then how about I call your supervisor, and I tell her thatyou shot my friend in the ass with a dart?

252
00:19:17,155 --> 00:19:22,765
It'll be nice to get this off finally, won't it?Yes it will.Or we can leave it on for now, that's fine.

253
00:19:22,765 --> 00:19:30,194
Y'know, with the right pair of pumps, that would be a great littleoutfit.

254
00:19:30,194 --> 00:19:35,149
Listen, I'm- I'm sorry I was so hard on you before, it's just I

255
00:19:35,149 --> 00:19:38,164
Oh, Ross, c'mon.It's my fault, I almost lost your

256
00:19:38,164 --> 00:19:45,715
Yeah, but you were the one who got him back, y'know?You, you were great.

257
00:19:45,715 --> 00:19:52,126
Hey, we uh, we still have that, uh, that bottle of wine.You in the mood for, uh,

258
00:19:52,126 --> 00:19:54,402
something grape?

259
00:19:54,402 --> 00:20:06,068
That'd be good.Alright.

260
00:20:06,068 --> 00:20:13,892
The, uh, the neighbours must bevacuuming.

261
00:20:13,892 --> 00:20:23,283
Well, so long as we're here and, uh,not on the subject,

262
00:20:23,283 --> 00:20:34,026
I was thinking about, uh, how mad we got at each other before, and, um,

263
00:20:34,026 --> 00:20:37,794
I was thinking maybe it was partially because of how we, um

264
00:20:37,794 --> 00:20:39,829
Rachel.Barry?!

265
00:20:39,829 --> 00:20:46,078
I can't.I can't do it, I can't marry Mindy. I think I'm stillin love with you.

266
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:51,883
Oh!

267
00:20:51,883 --> 00:20:59,673
We have got to start locking that door!

268
00:21:03,202 --> 00:21:06,507
This is me in The Sound of Music.See the von Trapp kids?

269
00:21:06,507 --> 00:21:07,875
Nope.

270
00:21:07,875 --> 00:21:10,397
That's because I'm in front of them.

271
00:21:10,397 --> 00:21:13,073
Eh. I thought that was an alp.

272
00:21:13,073 --> 00:21:15,166
Well, high school was not my favourite time.

273
00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:21,030
I dunno, I loved high school.Y'know?It was just four years of partiesand dating and sex.

274
00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:24,426
Yeah, well I went to boarding school with four hundred boys.

275
00:21:24,426 --> 00:21:30,235
Any sex Ihad would've involved a major lifestyle choice.

276
00:21:30,235 --> 00:21:35,064
Gosh, doesn't it seem like a million years ago?

277
00:21:35,064 --> 00:21:40,000
Oh. Oooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Mybutt cheek is waking up! Oooh! Ooh!